shopping

There are two main grocery stores that we shop at in town, the fruit stands and occasionally the market.  One stop shopping doesn't exist here and neither do sales or coupons.  It's killin my grocery budget. Killin it I tell you!

The store we like to shop at the best is about 20 min away from our house.  It is in a lovely new mall that has a lovely new grocery store in it.  This means that I make Jason drive me there because I have issues with the truck we are borrowing this year.  That my friendlies requires a whole separate blog post.  When we can, we usually go on Monday morning.  He heads to the coffee shop in the mall to catch up on computer work and I head to the grocery store.

Why do we drive 20 minutes to get to a grocery store when there is one 7 minutes away from our house?  Well, let me list the reasons.
1) the produce there is way better - this is the main reason we go
2) way less people shop there
3) they have cheese (sadly, they don't carry cheddar, which is all I really want)
4) they have various types of American made chips
5) the meat seems better most days

Shopping here is always an adventure though.  I usually have to meal plan for more than 7 meals a week because when you go to the store you never know what you are going to find.  Last week they had no green or red peppers - out go the fajitas I was going to make on Wednesday night.  This week they had no green onions, which means that we will have to take a second trip to the other grocery store.

We usually have to make a second trip to the other grocery store for the following:
1) the butter and mozzarella cheese is cheaper there
2) staples like flour and sugar is cheaper and more readily available
3) the first store is always out of Coke
4) they have the more basic vegetables that the other store is usually out of - like green onion

It's always interesting to me what kinds of imported foods you can find over here.  A few weeks ago they had a few different kinds of bags of Malt-O-Meal cereal.  I snagged a couple of those up pretty quick until I realized that they were over $5 a bag and put a few back.  There has been a box of Golden Grahams that has been calling my name and if they still have it in stock, I'll be asking for it in my stocking.  This store had applesauce when they first opened, but have never had it again since.  You've got to grab it when you see it around here, because you never know if you are going to see it again.

be gone

That's it.  I'm banishing Debbie Downer from this blog.  My alter ego isn't allowed to play here anymore.  I'm changing the password and not telling her what it is.

a choice

Today I gave my girl a choice.  She wasn't allowed to bring her bad attitude into our 'classroom'.  She had work to do for the day.  If she couldn't get the attitude under control and get her work done it would roll over to the next day.  I wasn't going to let her into the room to argue and fight with me.  

I'm done with that strain on our relationship.  Done.  

So after getting kicked out a few times, she made the decision to come in, sit down, and do her work.  

Maybe it needs to be her choice instead of me forcing her to do what she needs to do.  Would that be how to handle a strong willed child that doesn't like being told what to do? Then if she doesn't make a wise choice she can deal with the logical consequences of her decision.  Maybe we're on to something.  Maybe.  

i forgot i had a blog

I think I've lost any blogging mojo that I might have once had.  I no longer have the energy to be funny and witty.  I'm out of happy cheery words.  I'm sputtering out.  Empty tank here friends.  At least for today.  

Things have mostly settled into a routine.  School with the kids is about ready to do me in.  It's been a couple of weeks now and it isn't getting any better around here.  M had to eat lunch by herself today, a half an hour late, because it took her over 2 hours to do 10 math problems and I told her she couldn't eat lunch until she was half way done with her math assignment. Addition problems.  It took the whole morning to do 1 journal entry and 10 math problems.  Still not sure what to do with this child.  We argue all day.  About how she wants to go home.  How I'm not as fun as her other teachers.  About how mean I am.  About how I give her too much work.  Ugh.  I feel like I'm assaulted verbally for a good 5 hours a day.  That girl may not have skills with the books but she's got mad skills when it comes to a tongue lashing.  

It has been exhausting.  Utterly exhausting.  I wake up in the morning thinking that I can't wait until it's Friday.  It's been a really long time since I woke up every morning wishing for the weekend. 

Last week I left the house twice.  Once to do grocery shopping.  Once to work on billing for the flight program.  The rest of my week was spent at home. Arguing. Pleading. Promising. Threatening.  

I just don't do leaving the house only twice a week.  But there is no where to go.  And if I go, I have to drive in our monstrosity of a truck - which most days feels like worse option than being stuck in the house.  

There is now only a woman left holding on for dear life just to make it through the day.  Groundhog's Day.  Wake up, school, drip sweat, bed. Wake up, school, drip sweat, bed.   Oh yes, and I've added in running on a treadmill since I don't usually walk further than the outside gate of my house during the week.  I don't do running, but at least it's a way to walk more than 120 steps a day.  Wake up, flop around on the treadmill, school, drip sweat, bed.  

I know we'll survive.  I've never heard of child or parent dying because of homeschooling.  We'll get this figured out right before we leave.  Until then, life goes on.  And I'm going to take a nap.  

hello antibiotics

Poor Kellan has been a mess lately!  Thank goodness he is finally starting to clear up.  He was getting these horrible blister things all over his skin.  The doctor put him on an antibiotic and this is how it came from the pharmacy.  We just had to add water.  Never thought about antibiotics being powder.  I guess that's why medicine is so expensive in the States.  We have to pay someone to add the water!

princess

   Meet Princess.  She's the girl next door.  This sweet little thing knows how to ask for candy and money like no other.  Mirielle is trying to figure out what it looks like to be her friend.  She was sweet enough today to let me snap a few pictures of her.  I was trying to get her to really smile because she has lost her 2 front teeth but she wouldn't crack a smile big enough.  Trust me, I gave her lots of visual cues that I wanted to see her wide open mouth. Lots of cues since she didn't understand a word of my English.  I must have looked like quite the looney toon.

Her family lives right in front of us.  They are squatters in a pieced together shack and we share our electricity with them so they can run a light bulb when it is dark out.  This week the landlord of our house and surrounding property started moving in supplies to build a bed and breakfast in the lot where her family lives.  I imagine her dad must be wondering when he will loose his spot on the land that isn't his.  He's old and injured and he can't provide much for his little family.  Princess is his only child.

For now we will keep feeding her candy while she's the girl next door.

blessing

This has been sitting on my screen for days waiting to be written but no words have been coming.  The last 3 mornings I’ve woken up with a knot in my stomach.  The question that keeps asking itself over and over again, “What in the world are we doing here?”

Our weeks here in the Philippines have been wonderful, horrible, busy, boring, inspiring and depressing. 

The reality never quite matches with the dreams we dream. 

We thought we were coming to be used.  We thought a calendar full of flights would tell us how needed we were here.  We would be able to pat ourselves on the back for saving the day.  Not so.    

Purpose here.  It is eluding me.  The question asks itself again, “What in the world are we doing here?”

We find out that there are hidden costs.  The bills here are piling up while we stare at an empty bank account.  Every flight we go deeper into the pit.  Every cloud that has to be dodged has a dollar attached.   Visa renewals are getting closer on the calendar.  It was so easy to trust that the Lord would provide before we got here.  There was a safety net.  If the money didn’t come through, we didn’t go.  Now if the money isn’t there we carry that great big red mark on the paper for how long? 

The cost has been so high to come here I think, as I sit here with my child crying on my lap, both of us sweating because we are so close.  Her tears rolling down my chest.  The cost to my kids.  The cost to our family. 

Yet I know there are riches here to be found.  The silver lining in the cloud.  The truth is, there is so much fullness to be had in us being here.  Fullness we have yet to discover.  Fullness we hope for in faith.   Fullness the Lord is opening up to us moment by moment and asking us to hold our arms wide open and embrace. 

So I take this question that won’t leave my mind and I turn it back to the One who called us here.  We know He called us here.  Lord, what in the world are we doing here?  Why do you have us here?

Be a blessing.  Let me use you to be a blessing.

“Lord,” I think, “ I’m not sure that is good enough.”  We should only have to go through this, travel this road, be here, if people can’t live without us.  If we can puff up our chest in pride and find value by our own shallow definition.  

The cost, the personal cost is too high, the financial cost is too high.  How do we justify to ourselves, to those who sacrifice to make it possible for us to be here, that possibly, we are here just to be a blessing?  Not good enough.

It’s terrifying.  I have to let go.  I have to look past how we define ourselves and what we think is valuable.  I can let go or I can wake up the rest of the year with a knot in my stomach feeling like a waste.  I have to recalibrate.

Be a blessing, He says. 

Be a blessing to the family you came to replace so they can go home and enjoy being with family and allow them to rest. 

Be a blessing to your daughter who is sitting on your lap crying because she hates school and struggles with reading.

Be a blessing to your husband who needs you to sit by the computer and track his moves and listen to a scratchy radio that hardly works so that he’ll know you’ve always got his back. 

Be a blessing to the family that is out from the village and invite them over for dinner even though it will be a long day. 

Be a blessing to the girl who helps you around the house when she sits down to eat with you.  Show her what a Christian family looks like.  Her dad abandoned her.  She doesn’t know. 

Be a blessing.

American dreams are about this need to become a someone.  God dreams are about becoming bread for anyone in need because they love SomeOne.   Ann Voskamp

character

We've started school around here. For real this time.

We probably didn't really NEED to start but there isn't much to do around here and the kids needed something to do besides spending the whole entire day starting at some sort of a screen.

Mirielle continues to fight, complain, whine, cry, argue (feel free to insert any other verb in there that you can think of). It really has been a battle of the will with her. She was pulling out anything and everything she could think of to go against me and having to sit and do work.  At first it was about the work.  Then it was about how we ruined her life.  Then it was about how we ruined her friends' lives too.  All the stops my friend, all the stops.

Last week I feel like I spent the better part of my week being verbally abused by my 9 year old. It was completely exhausting.

Right now we are just working on review sheets from a workbook. And heaven forbid, I asked her to write a 7 sentence letter to her teacher. The first night I made her keep at it until 6:30 at night. The second day until 4:30. The rest of the week wasn't much better. And the sheets that she hasn't done just keep stacking up.

I don't know how to reach this kid.

While I was sitting in the office/school room last week with her I read through these verses.

Romans 5:3-5 
We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts though the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Heaven knows this child thinks she is suffering.  And today I am praying that this year will be a major milestone in the growth of her character.  Character that comes through endurance that leads to hope.  Praying that for me too.  Because quite honestly I'd like to give up on her.  Already.  Endurance Lord, endurance.  Character.  Hope.

I know this really is a huge change for her.  In some ways I'm proud of her for handling it so well.  She is such an amazingly fantastic kid.  This is our sticking point, though.  This is where the Lord needs to change both of us.  We're both buying into the lie that we can't do it.  And it is a LONG year ahead.

skyping with friends

father's day

I have to say I love this man and how he leads our family. I love all of the time he invests with the kids. How he is a teacher to them in our home. He always challenges the kids to think through a problem. Work toward a solution. Consider the options. He takes the time to explain to them how things work. From a remote control car to a relationship with a friend. He is an example of adventure. He is an example of wisdom. He is an example of love. 

 Today we celebrated him with a beautiful view at a lovely restaurant.

 And I learned not to order the shrimp dish.