the loosening

Romans 8:28  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.


I have to admit.  I don't like Bible verses that are overused.  This is one of them.  But this verse keeps coming to mind. It fits so perfectly. I guess that is why it is used so often.  So much truth to be found in those 25 words. 


Sometimes the good God works doesn't feel so good.  


Looking back over the last 2 years, I can see how God was working all things together for this purpose, this good purpose, of moving us back to the Philippines.  Of experiencing Him more fully. 


We've never been in a place long enough for us to experience real change that comes with really digging in a living somewhere for more than a few months at a time.  Come to think of it, the last 5 years here in Spokane have been the only time we have lived somewhere longer than 2 school semesters in our entire married life.  Exhausting I tell you.  


5 years is a long time though. Spokane has become our home.  The only place our kids really know as home.  Silly kids, don't you know that Arizona is home.  Well, kind of. Not really.  Maybe.  At what point do we ever call Spokane HOME.  Not just home for now?  


While the first 3 years were about digging in, settling down, and finding community, the last 2 years have been about distance, change, and a low lying feeling of unsettled.  


So many things God has orchestrated over the last 2 years so that our grip on being here has loosened.  Didn't really feel good. Still doesn't some days.  But He has all things working together for this good purpose.  


Almost 2 years searching for a church to call home.  Trying to find a community in which to belong.  Always feeling a little out of place.  Not cool enough, not conservative enough, never quite right.  We've held it loosely. 


Friendships have changed.  Distance physically and emotionally.  Going different directions.  Kids growing up.  No more playdates at McDonalds or meetings at MOPS.  A disconnect.  Hold it loose.  


On the road to adoption.  God convicting me that my life is not just about me.  He is calling me to think big.  Bigger than how I can selfishly lay claim to my time.  I didn't want to go back. Those months of deciding to adopt were months of Him preparing me to say yes to a big change.  Yes to turning my world upside down. Loosing my grip on me. 


In the fall we looked for a bigger house in preparation for adding two more.  In October we put an offer in on a house and for 5 days, we had the understanding that the papers had been signed and the house was ours.  One phone call and it wasn't.  He wouldn't sell.   It was a blow.  But there was peace.  A willingness to stay or go. A loosening on our home and our space. 


And then when the e-mail came in asking us to consider serving in the Philippines for a year, the pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place.  


He was working all of those things according to His purposes.  His good and perfect plan.