Out of Control

Guess there is nothing like re-initiation by fire. It didn't take me long after coming back from the States to remember why life here is draining some weeks. The day after I got back, I spent the whole day in the office working on the book keeping that was due at the end of the month.

Wednesday was a weird day. Jason was home, which always makes things a bit touchy. Even though he was technically off, he was dealing with issues that had come up about flights at the end of the week. He holed himself up in the office for awhile and I tried to keep the kids upstairs. After that he worked on the generator for awhile. I got dinner together and by 7:00 I was in my zombie jet lag state. After almost killing the kids, Jason sent me to bed.

Yesterday was a LONG day. Jason had to get up at 4:30 and his alarm woke us both up. Since my body still isn't sure what time it is supposed to wake up, I couldn't get back to sleep. It is a long day when 10:00 in the morning rolls around and you feel like you should be half way through your day. I went over to Cynthia's for coffee and ended up staying for lunch. Came home and put the kids to be hoping that I could sneak in a nap, but no suck luck. I just couldn't get to sleep.

Jason and Garry got rained in at the old flight base and were stuck there until late afternoon. They got a back to the hangar about 5 and then had to load for the next day, so Jason didn't get home until about 6. Another 12+ hour day.

I figured it would be nice to actually have a conversation with Jason after we got the kids to bed, so about 4:30 I made myself a strong cup of iced espresso. It did the trick and kept me up until about 9:15 when we both went to bed. Jason didn't have any time to get ready for his flight today though since he was weathered in all day so after putting the kids to bed he was 'working' until we both crashed just after 9. So much for conversation. Sometimes I get lonely around here. I was thinking that maybe I should get a blow up doll that I could talk to during the day. I know it wouldn't talk back, but maybe that wouldn't matter. Just as long as the doll looked like an adult.

Today we are right in the middle of the weather system which caused the delays yesterday. it is sounding like the tribal stations we need to go into today are mostly socked in. Ah, as I am writing this - I hear Jason pulling into the driveway. Guess that means no flight today and an early wake up tomorrow. There goes our Saturday. Oh what fun.

I think I am having such a hard time adjusting to this whole 'flight program' schedule becuase it makes me feel SO out of control sometimes. Thankfully, I don't have to to the flight following so I'm not right in the middle of it all, but it still drives me crazy. Like yesterday, when the guys got weathered in at the old flight base -the whole afternoon, I'm wondering if I'm going to have a husband around for the night or if I'm going to be by myself. If he does get back, what time will he be home? Should I get something ready for dinner? Should we just have popcorn? How long can I wait to make a decision? Sometimes it feels like everyday we wake up to find out what our day is going to be like based on the clouds. It doesn't really bother Jason becuase he is juggling and rearranging schedules and feels like he is in control, but I always feel like I am on the recieving end. All the time.

And then I feel lonely being home all the time. I have a good strong cup of coffee so I can stay awake and talk to Jason, but becuase he was gone all day, he doesn't have time to talk and by the time he gets done with working, we are both too tired. So then I end up wondering why I even try!

Then I made plans with a baby sitter so that we could go out and talk some things through with Garry and Cynthia over lunch on Saturday, but now that may not happen. Since there is a weather system over the PI, it is not looking good. However, since the flight is scheduled, we can't just look at the sat and cancel it, we have to sit around waiting and waiting just in case it happens to clear up. So you never really know what is going to happen. I just don't know how to handle consistent inconsistency very well. It drives me crazy. It drives me CRAZY!