Friday, October 27, 2006
The worms go in the worms go out
Well, we've experienced another part of 'normal' missionary life. Living with worms. Not in our yard, not in our food. In our children's stomach. (I know this is probably too much info, but I can't resist!) Yes, this week we found a 10" roundworm the thickness of a pencil. I thought I was going to THROW UP when I saw it. I will spare you the rest of the details. We are now ALL on deworming medicine. I had no idea that I was supposed to deworm the kids about every 3 months. GROSS!!!
Monday, September 25, 2006
In an earlier post I mentioned going crazy living with my crazy daughter. In order to defend myself, I have posted some new pictures on our photo gallery. I indeed have a crazy daughter that I love. I am sure however that she will not love me when she is 16 and finds out that I posted these pictures of her to our blog!
www.schwabair.shutterfly.com
www.schwabair.shutterfly.com
My missionary kid
We've been having lots of brown outs again, sigh. Thankfully, Mirielle has gotten used to the power going out. Yesterday when the power went out in the morning, she was able to find the positive in the situation. She looked at me with her eyebrows raised, looking like she just had an epiphany and said "Mom, God made light for us so that when the power goes out we don't have to light candles." That is an exact quote from my missionary kid.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Biker Chick
I think someday she might grow up to be a motorcycle mama. She definately gets her wild side from her dad! This is a fun little adventure that Mirielle and her dad go on every once in a while. They hop on the bike and ride just to the end of the street to get a bottle of coke. Mirielle loves it becuase she gets to wear her bike helmet and if she is anything like her mom, loves the speed! (No Jason doesn't go fast, but anything must seem fast to a 3 year old!)
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Something to think about
I just started rereading Linda Dillow's book, "Calm my Anxious Heart". She starts off with the issue of contentment - just what I needed to hear. In the first few pages, she includes a list of her friend's mom, who was a missionary in Africe for 52 years.
Her "perscription for contentment":
*Never allow yourself to complain about anything - not even the weather.
*Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
*Never compare your lot with another's.
*Never allow yourself to with this or that had been otherwise.
*Never dwell on tomorrow - remember that [tomorrow] is God's not ours.
I'm tempted to tatoo these, along with some corresponding scripture on my forehead, or paint them on my walls, etch them into the bathroom mirror. Oh, how I struggle with each of these things. Especially not complaining, even about the weather!
Along our journey, we've heard stories about how missionaries used to pack all of their belongings into a wood coffin becuase their chances of surviving life in some of the dark places where the Gospel needed to go was pretty slim. And deep down in me I want to be that kind of follower, but I cling so tightly to what I feel like are my rights.
Pray for me as I try and rid myself of the mindset of clinging to my rights. My new prayer for myself is Philippians 2:5-8
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who being in very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing; taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!
I want to obey even if it means giving things up that I don't think I possibly can. I want to be content in that too, not just walk around feeling like a martyr.
I am preaching to myself becuase I just flipped out the other day worrying about the tomorrows that are God's and not mine and feeling like it isn't fair that I have to deal with the things I am dealing with here. Worrying about the kids, worrying about never fitting in here, worrying about trying to establish a routine that works between me, the kids, and 2 house girls and a husband who has a schedule that can hardly be considered a schedule at all, worrying about our finances, feeling crazy becuase there are about 3 hours in the whole month where I am actually alone - by myself with no one around, feeling guilty about not being a more loving and creative mom and then to top that off, have 2 girls in my house watching me 5 days a week, as I feel like I fail every day, and on and on.
Yes, sin gets me down good and I certainly get caught up in it becuase it is so much easier that going to battle. A friend wrote and told us that he would be praying for us to take our thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ as we deal with our struggles here. Thanks for the reminder...I needed it this week.
Her "perscription for contentment":
*Never allow yourself to complain about anything - not even the weather.
*Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
*Never compare your lot with another's.
*Never allow yourself to with this or that had been otherwise.
*Never dwell on tomorrow - remember that [tomorrow] is God's not ours.
I'm tempted to tatoo these, along with some corresponding scripture on my forehead, or paint them on my walls, etch them into the bathroom mirror. Oh, how I struggle with each of these things. Especially not complaining, even about the weather!
Along our journey, we've heard stories about how missionaries used to pack all of their belongings into a wood coffin becuase their chances of surviving life in some of the dark places where the Gospel needed to go was pretty slim. And deep down in me I want to be that kind of follower, but I cling so tightly to what I feel like are my rights.
Pray for me as I try and rid myself of the mindset of clinging to my rights. My new prayer for myself is Philippians 2:5-8
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who being in very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing; taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!
I want to obey even if it means giving things up that I don't think I possibly can. I want to be content in that too, not just walk around feeling like a martyr.
I am preaching to myself becuase I just flipped out the other day worrying about the tomorrows that are God's and not mine and feeling like it isn't fair that I have to deal with the things I am dealing with here. Worrying about the kids, worrying about never fitting in here, worrying about trying to establish a routine that works between me, the kids, and 2 house girls and a husband who has a schedule that can hardly be considered a schedule at all, worrying about our finances, feeling crazy becuase there are about 3 hours in the whole month where I am actually alone - by myself with no one around, feeling guilty about not being a more loving and creative mom and then to top that off, have 2 girls in my house watching me 5 days a week, as I feel like I fail every day, and on and on.
Yes, sin gets me down good and I certainly get caught up in it becuase it is so much easier that going to battle. A friend wrote and told us that he would be praying for us to take our thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ as we deal with our struggles here. Thanks for the reminder...I needed it this week.
Monday, September 18, 2006
I wonder
Yesterday we went to one of our favorite restaurants. Why is it one of our favorite places to go? First of all, we can eat there for a steal. You can get a BBQ chicken breast and a cup of rice for 59 pesos, which is about a buck. It depends on the exchange rate. Every month it gets a few cents more expensive since the exchange rate usually goes down and our dollar becomes less valuable. But still a steal! Secondly, Mirielle loves their chicken and she loves the restaurant becuase it is open air and she can run around and look at the turtles that they have in their little pond. So we go there when we need a family friendly place to eat.
After eating, Mirielle was running around with an entourage of waitresses trailing behind her. They were singing ABCs together and counting and Mirielle was telling them how old she was and her brother's name. I was thinking about how she will grow up to be a different person than if she grew up in the States. I wonder if she will grow up to be friendlier being here in a world where everyone loves the cute little white girl. Maybe she will eventually become more guarded once she gets a little older and it isn't as much fun to be the cute little white girl and to have so much attention. I wonder....
Here, everyone loves her attention. They love to talk with her, touch her white skin, they are always sharing their food with her. We really noticed the difference in her behavior when we returned to the States last year. Just after returning, we would be at a restaurant and she would want to interact with people, acting like they cared that she was there, wanting to crawl up in their laps. It was so weird for us to watch. She was so outgoing and doing what was just natural to her here and it came of seeming really weird in the States.
Things here are so different. I just wonder how Jason and I will change over the years and how our kids will grow up to be different than if they grew up in the States.
The other day, I was driving down the street and was watching kids pour out of the school that was near where I was driving and seeing the kids skipping down the road in their uniforms sent a big pang of saddness through my heart. The sight of it made me wonder if I would ever see my own kids skipping down the road to our house after school - certainly won't happen here. Maybe one year when we are home on furlough. (Although we just found out the other day that when we came home to have Kellan, since we came home becuase of me and I am not the primary wage earner, we ate up future furlough time because of tax reasons. That means that we probably won't be able to come home for a full year until Mirielle is 10.)
That means that my daughter may never grace the room of a classroom until she is 10. She will be forever stuck in this house with her crazy mother!!! And yes, part of the reason I am so crazy is because I am stuck in the house with my crazy daughter :-) I fear that my kids will never feel like they fit in here and when we go back to the States they won't feel like they fit in there either. I guess I fear that for myself. I wonder if we will ever adjust to living here. I wonder what that would even mean......
After eating, Mirielle was running around with an entourage of waitresses trailing behind her. They were singing ABCs together and counting and Mirielle was telling them how old she was and her brother's name. I was thinking about how she will grow up to be a different person than if she grew up in the States. I wonder if she will grow up to be friendlier being here in a world where everyone loves the cute little white girl. Maybe she will eventually become more guarded once she gets a little older and it isn't as much fun to be the cute little white girl and to have so much attention. I wonder....
Here, everyone loves her attention. They love to talk with her, touch her white skin, they are always sharing their food with her. We really noticed the difference in her behavior when we returned to the States last year. Just after returning, we would be at a restaurant and she would want to interact with people, acting like they cared that she was there, wanting to crawl up in their laps. It was so weird for us to watch. She was so outgoing and doing what was just natural to her here and it came of seeming really weird in the States.
Things here are so different. I just wonder how Jason and I will change over the years and how our kids will grow up to be different than if they grew up in the States.
The other day, I was driving down the street and was watching kids pour out of the school that was near where I was driving and seeing the kids skipping down the road in their uniforms sent a big pang of saddness through my heart. The sight of it made me wonder if I would ever see my own kids skipping down the road to our house after school - certainly won't happen here. Maybe one year when we are home on furlough. (Although we just found out the other day that when we came home to have Kellan, since we came home becuase of me and I am not the primary wage earner, we ate up future furlough time because of tax reasons. That means that we probably won't be able to come home for a full year until Mirielle is 10.)
That means that my daughter may never grace the room of a classroom until she is 10. She will be forever stuck in this house with her crazy mother!!! And yes, part of the reason I am so crazy is because I am stuck in the house with my crazy daughter :-) I fear that my kids will never feel like they fit in here and when we go back to the States they won't feel like they fit in there either. I guess I fear that for myself. I wonder if we will ever adjust to living here. I wonder what that would even mean......
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Livin' in a Zoo
When Mirielle was a little older than Kellan we started teaching her all of the animal noises. A cow goes 'moo', a pig snorts, a rooster goes 'cock a doodle doo'. I always thought those sounds were so cute, until I had to live next to them.
It seems like no matter where you go, except maybe Manila, you are constantly surrounded by livestock in Philippines. Sometimes I feel like I am living on a farm. In the empty lot next to our house a cow roams around eating all day and we have chickens that float in and out of our yard through the chain link fence.
The roosters I have mostly gotten used to. I think just about every other person in the Philippines owns a rooster. They are BIG into cock fighting here. When we went to the beach the other day, we were driving through the middle of nowhere, nothing but tiny little bamboo houses here and there and out of nowhere appears a gigantic building. A big beautiful building, cememt with real roofing on it, nice paint job. And what was it? A 2 story cock pit, compliments of the government. Nice.....
Our neighbors to the front of us have pigs. Thankfully they are quieter than the pigs our other neighbors had at the last house we lived in. Those pigs would go crazy a couple times a day. I imagined that those pigs couldn't have sounded much worse than when Jesus cast the demons into the pigs and they all ran and drown themselves. So, anyways, I am VERY thankful to have quiet pigs for neighbors this go around. I don't think that there is a sound that sets me more on edge than a screaming pig. What is hard about living here, is that all of the windows in all of the rooms are always open, so there is NO place to go in the entire house to escape the noise. Even burying myself under a pillow doesn't drown out the sounds.
I have recently discovered the second most terrible sound ever made by an animal. A bleating goat. I always thought goats were kind of cute. Just a friendly little animal that you would see at the petting zoo. WRONG! Our neighbor that owns the pig recently purchased a few goats that now roam around the property. The first few days they were here I had to convince Mirielle that the noises she was hearing were really just goats. She thought that there was a child outside screaming for help. That is kind of what these goats sound like "HELP, HELP, HELP"! Drive me nuts!!! The goats tend to roam over to the empty lot on the other side of our house, over by the kitchen and dining area, in the evening while I am making dinner. So we sit and listen to goats crying all through dinner. It sounds like someone is dieing outside. I am convinced that missionaries need to come home on furlough just so they can have some peace and QUIET!
It seems like no matter where you go, except maybe Manila, you are constantly surrounded by livestock in Philippines. Sometimes I feel like I am living on a farm. In the empty lot next to our house a cow roams around eating all day and we have chickens that float in and out of our yard through the chain link fence.
The roosters I have mostly gotten used to. I think just about every other person in the Philippines owns a rooster. They are BIG into cock fighting here. When we went to the beach the other day, we were driving through the middle of nowhere, nothing but tiny little bamboo houses here and there and out of nowhere appears a gigantic building. A big beautiful building, cememt with real roofing on it, nice paint job. And what was it? A 2 story cock pit, compliments of the government. Nice.....
Our neighbors to the front of us have pigs. Thankfully they are quieter than the pigs our other neighbors had at the last house we lived in. Those pigs would go crazy a couple times a day. I imagined that those pigs couldn't have sounded much worse than when Jesus cast the demons into the pigs and they all ran and drown themselves. So, anyways, I am VERY thankful to have quiet pigs for neighbors this go around. I don't think that there is a sound that sets me more on edge than a screaming pig. What is hard about living here, is that all of the windows in all of the rooms are always open, so there is NO place to go in the entire house to escape the noise. Even burying myself under a pillow doesn't drown out the sounds.
I have recently discovered the second most terrible sound ever made by an animal. A bleating goat. I always thought goats were kind of cute. Just a friendly little animal that you would see at the petting zoo. WRONG! Our neighbor that owns the pig recently purchased a few goats that now roam around the property. The first few days they were here I had to convince Mirielle that the noises she was hearing were really just goats. She thought that there was a child outside screaming for help. That is kind of what these goats sound like "HELP, HELP, HELP"! Drive me nuts!!! The goats tend to roam over to the empty lot on the other side of our house, over by the kitchen and dining area, in the evening while I am making dinner. So we sit and listen to goats crying all through dinner. It sounds like someone is dieing outside. I am convinced that missionaries need to come home on furlough just so they can have some peace and QUIET!
Walking, Maybe?
Kellan just took his first steps on Saturday. I missed the first 6, he performed his new trick just for his dad. Later in the day he was so kind as to grant me the pleasure of seeing him take a few more steps on his own.
I think that I am pretty ready for him to start walking. He already crawls a warp speed and gets into about everything that I can imagine him getting into at this point. My back would be so happy if he started walking around. He is still so huge!
I think that I am pretty ready for him to start walking. He already crawls a warp speed and gets into about everything that I can imagine him getting into at this point. My back would be so happy if he started walking around. He is still so huge!
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Thirsty
This morning I was making a cup of coffee from my dwindling supply of REAL coffee and listening to a CD, singing along. It just hit me hard how much I miss worship at church.
The music at our church here is based on volume and not any kind of what we would consider to be quality. The singing at church borders on a painful experience for us. We literally sit as far back in the church and as far away from the speakers as we can. We think the worship leader must have gotten the job based on his enthusiasm and not his vocal ability. What is wonderful, is that it seems to be a truly worshipful experience for the the Filipinos at that church. However, it makes us want to run and hide.
While I was home for the wedding this summer, my parents took me to an evening service with Henry Blackaby (of Experiencing God). The message and the music that night were truly like water to my thirsty soul. It was so wonderful to worship, to sing, and to be in a crowd that didn't seem concerned about performance but about reaching the heart of God. The message didn't have any jokes, no movie clips, no funny stories. It was just a good ol' message delivered straight from the Word. And I still remember it. And it STILL convicting me.
I miss worshiping in the context of my culture. I love to sing, but somehow joining in with a CD just isn't the same as worshiping with other believers in the context of your own culture. And unfortunately singing with a group of out of tune Filipinos singing at the top of their lungs just distracts me from focusing on God. I miss it. I miss home. I miss 'American' worship.
The music at our church here is based on volume and not any kind of what we would consider to be quality. The singing at church borders on a painful experience for us. We literally sit as far back in the church and as far away from the speakers as we can. We think the worship leader must have gotten the job based on his enthusiasm and not his vocal ability. What is wonderful, is that it seems to be a truly worshipful experience for the the Filipinos at that church. However, it makes us want to run and hide.
While I was home for the wedding this summer, my parents took me to an evening service with Henry Blackaby (of Experiencing God). The message and the music that night were truly like water to my thirsty soul. It was so wonderful to worship, to sing, and to be in a crowd that didn't seem concerned about performance but about reaching the heart of God. The message didn't have any jokes, no movie clips, no funny stories. It was just a good ol' message delivered straight from the Word. And I still remember it. And it STILL convicting me.
I miss worshiping in the context of my culture. I love to sing, but somehow joining in with a CD just isn't the same as worshiping with other believers in the context of your own culture. And unfortunately singing with a group of out of tune Filipinos singing at the top of their lungs just distracts me from focusing on God. I miss it. I miss home. I miss 'American' worship.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Making it a little better
Oh what a relief. Things are going a little bit better this week. This last week, we have had Bel at our house doing the flight following. Bel started off at Garry and Cynthia's house about 6 months ago as their house girl. She had been picking up what was being said on the radio while Cynthia was flight following. This was great news to us, as we were wanting to train and hire a national to do the flight following so that I could spend time with the kids. We figured with the nature of flight following (sitting next to the radio for as long as Jason is in the air) we would either have to hire someone to watch the kids or hire someone to flight follow. The fact that Cynthia was able to train Bel to do the radio is a HUGE answer to prayer! It is really amazing that Bel can pick up all that is being said (all in English) on an old scratchy radio. She has been flight following from our house this week. It has been great being able to know where Jason is at but not have to do the radio myself. YEAH!!
On a side note, we just got our TV fixed, (Jason had to basically tell the fix it guy how to fix it). It broke about the 2nd day into our week long rain last week so has been down about 2 weeks. I really missed watching the news and being able to plop down at the end of the day and watch an episode of Globe Treker. And I was getting really sick of the kids movies we had that Mirielle has been watching for the last 2 weeks! Jason is flipping right now and we've been laughing our heads off watching a Filipino soap. Captain Barbell. HAHA. This one is a real LOL! It looks like something a junior higher would pull together for a school project. SO FUNNY!
On a side note, we just got our TV fixed, (Jason had to basically tell the fix it guy how to fix it). It broke about the 2nd day into our week long rain last week so has been down about 2 weeks. I really missed watching the news and being able to plop down at the end of the day and watch an episode of Globe Treker. And I was getting really sick of the kids movies we had that Mirielle has been watching for the last 2 weeks! Jason is flipping right now and we've been laughing our heads off watching a Filipino soap. Captain Barbell. HAHA. This one is a real LOL! It looks like something a junior higher would pull together for a school project. SO FUNNY!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
A confession
I know that as a super missionary (haha!), I'm probably not supposed to admit this, especially in such a public way, but here is my confession. There are days when I absolutely hate this job. I've tried to analyze what it is that makes it so hard on me and I can't quite put my finger on it. Just hearing Jason coordinating his flight schedule and talking about flying makes me cringe inside.
Part of it is that the schedule is so completly unreliable. This week we waited and waited for the weather to clear knowing that the flying was just stacking up - with a team needing to get in to top it all off. Even though Jason didn't fly those days, he wasn't really off. It is constant waiting and watching and second guessing and planning for the next day. Morning chaos with phone calls and radio calls and weather checks. Running around packing lunches and gearing up only to decide that it was going to be a no fly day. Then off to the hangar to work.
Part of it is that I hate not knowing what is happening to Jason. I don't think I worry too much about his safety. I know he is a great pilot. It just drives me crazy not knowing when he's going to take off. Is he going to get there? Is he going to be able to do the shuttle? Is he going to get stuck somewhere? When will he be back? All day I wonder.... Then I wonder if I should just try and forget about him during the day and get on with mine.
Part of it is that the days that Jason fly end up being all too long and not long enough at the same time. On fly days he is up at 4:30 and out the door by 5:30. I've been trying to get up at 6:00 and have a few minutes before I have to face the kids on my own, but it seems like no matter how quiet I try to be one of the kids is up within 15 minutes of me. When it is Kellan that is the first one up, it means no shower for me until naptime. Having the kids up from so early on my own seems to make the day long, although I suppose that is just part of being a mom. The day seems too short though when we get Kellan and Mirielle to bed and my poor tired husband is ready to go to bed shortly after them. When a couple of fly days stack up, I get lonely for adult companionship and get to feeling pretty disconnected.
I know that a year from know I will probably look back and wonder what the big deal was and why this seemed so hard. The kids will be older, I'll be more used to the schedule. But for now, I struggle with the frustration. So keep praying for us, for me - as we continue to settle in to this ministry.
Part of it is that the schedule is so completly unreliable. This week we waited and waited for the weather to clear knowing that the flying was just stacking up - with a team needing to get in to top it all off. Even though Jason didn't fly those days, he wasn't really off. It is constant waiting and watching and second guessing and planning for the next day. Morning chaos with phone calls and radio calls and weather checks. Running around packing lunches and gearing up only to decide that it was going to be a no fly day. Then off to the hangar to work.
Part of it is that I hate not knowing what is happening to Jason. I don't think I worry too much about his safety. I know he is a great pilot. It just drives me crazy not knowing when he's going to take off. Is he going to get there? Is he going to be able to do the shuttle? Is he going to get stuck somewhere? When will he be back? All day I wonder.... Then I wonder if I should just try and forget about him during the day and get on with mine.
Part of it is that the days that Jason fly end up being all too long and not long enough at the same time. On fly days he is up at 4:30 and out the door by 5:30. I've been trying to get up at 6:00 and have a few minutes before I have to face the kids on my own, but it seems like no matter how quiet I try to be one of the kids is up within 15 minutes of me. When it is Kellan that is the first one up, it means no shower for me until naptime. Having the kids up from so early on my own seems to make the day long, although I suppose that is just part of being a mom. The day seems too short though when we get Kellan and Mirielle to bed and my poor tired husband is ready to go to bed shortly after them. When a couple of fly days stack up, I get lonely for adult companionship and get to feeling pretty disconnected.
I know that a year from know I will probably look back and wonder what the big deal was and why this seemed so hard. The kids will be older, I'll be more used to the schedule. But for now, I struggle with the frustration. So keep praying for us, for me - as we continue to settle in to this ministry.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
It's Friday. This week has flown by. Between being sick and being busy I feel like I haven't gotten a thing done all week. Maybe all of the rain this week has made things feel different too. I've loved all of the rain. It started Monday afternoon and it hasn't stopped. I love it execpt for what it does to our schedule. With the team coming in on Monday it looks like if the weather clears up, Jason will be flying the weekend. It is hard for me to feel like I need to gear up for the weekend instead of wind down. I just hate not knowing!
Yesterday Jason and I went into town to get some business done. When we first arrived in the country, we opened up our bank account with a national bank at a Mindanao branch. After having my card stolen last year, we had my card cancelled. Trying to get a replacement was a nightmare.
We had to go back to the original branch to request a replacement. The first time we drove 4 hours back to the branch in the town we first lived in to pick it up we had waited too long in between when we had ordered it and when we came to pick it up so it had been shredded. The second time we went to pick it up after reordering it, there was a typhoon going through Manila and therfore the bank had shut down all of their branches nationwide so the bank wasn't even open. We've tried to get a replacement card here, but we were told that we could only have the card sent to our original bank branch, which doesn't help us much when it is on another island.
SO, yesterday we had to close our account, withdraw all of our cash and redeposit it into another account. That was the only way I could get a new ATM card. You would think sometimes that this country didn't have computer systems or something. It was, in a way, a nice 1 1/2 hour break from the kids. It was almost therapudic to sit and watch people getting work done. Made me kind of miss having a job where I use my brain, interact with adults and see that I have accomplished something at the end of the day. Oh well!
Yesterday Jason and I went into town to get some business done. When we first arrived in the country, we opened up our bank account with a national bank at a Mindanao branch. After having my card stolen last year, we had my card cancelled. Trying to get a replacement was a nightmare.
We had to go back to the original branch to request a replacement. The first time we drove 4 hours back to the branch in the town we first lived in to pick it up we had waited too long in between when we had ordered it and when we came to pick it up so it had been shredded. The second time we went to pick it up after reordering it, there was a typhoon going through Manila and therfore the bank had shut down all of their branches nationwide so the bank wasn't even open. We've tried to get a replacement card here, but we were told that we could only have the card sent to our original bank branch, which doesn't help us much when it is on another island.
SO, yesterday we had to close our account, withdraw all of our cash and redeposit it into another account. That was the only way I could get a new ATM card. You would think sometimes that this country didn't have computer systems or something. It was, in a way, a nice 1 1/2 hour break from the kids. It was almost therapudic to sit and watch people getting work done. Made me kind of miss having a job where I use my brain, interact with adults and see that I have accomplished something at the end of the day. Oh well!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
My Big Boy
I love digital cameras.I love that I can take 192 pictures and have one come out that I LOVE!
I love that he still looks like a baby even though he is growing up so fast.
I love those big chubby cheeks that just scream
"Pinch me! Kiss me!"
I love that look in his eyes.
I love those big BLUE eyes!
I love how he soaks up the world through those eyes.
I love that I can see his little mind working.
I love my big boy!
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
My flowers outside are going crazy with blooms since we've had some more rain. The picture of the bushes is at the corner of our back porch. It doesn't quite do it justice. The flowers in the yard are one of my favorite things about the house. Mirielle likes to go out and pick them and we put them in a little jar on the table. Beautiful!
Jumpy
I have been so jumpy the last few days. I guess it started when a centipede came crawling out of the top of my stove. I took a pan off of the burner to wash it and there it was. It went crawling back down under the stove top (which I can't open to get at it) before I could kill it. Then later that night, I opened the silverware drawer and a roach came dashing out and into another cabinet. It showed up later that night on the wall and it was so big I thought for a minute that it must have been some kind of enormous beetle. I managed to kill him with some bug spray. Then the next day I reached into a drawer in the office to get a piece of paper and almost grabbed a big wolf spider. AGH! Too many bugs in this house.
So now the last few days, I wear shoes around the house, don't reach into any drawers right away and look before I touch anything. It makes me so JUMPY! I've even been scaring myself with my own shadow. I know in a few days I'll probably be back to normal, but for now it is jump, jump, jump.
So now the last few days, I wear shoes around the house, don't reach into any drawers right away and look before I touch anything. It makes me so JUMPY! I've even been scaring myself with my own shadow. I know in a few days I'll probably be back to normal, but for now it is jump, jump, jump.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Out of Control
Guess there is nothing like re-initiation by fire. It didn't take me long after coming back from the States to remember why life here is draining some weeks. The day after I got back, I spent the whole day in the office working on the book keeping that was due at the end of the month.
Wednesday was a weird day. Jason was home, which always makes things a bit touchy. Even though he was technically off, he was dealing with issues that had come up about flights at the end of the week. He holed himself up in the office for awhile and I tried to keep the kids upstairs. After that he worked on the generator for awhile. I got dinner together and by 7:00 I was in my zombie jet lag state. After almost killing the kids, Jason sent me to bed.
Yesterday was a LONG day. Jason had to get up at 4:30 and his alarm woke us both up. Since my body still isn't sure what time it is supposed to wake up, I couldn't get back to sleep. It is a long day when 10:00 in the morning rolls around and you feel like you should be half way through your day. I went over to Cynthia's for coffee and ended up staying for lunch. Came home and put the kids to be hoping that I could sneak in a nap, but no suck luck. I just couldn't get to sleep.
Jason and Garry got rained in at the old flight base and were stuck there until late afternoon. They got a back to the hangar about 5 and then had to load for the next day, so Jason didn't get home until about 6. Another 12+ hour day.
I figured it would be nice to actually have a conversation with Jason after we got the kids to bed, so about 4:30 I made myself a strong cup of iced espresso. It did the trick and kept me up until about 9:15 when we both went to bed. Jason didn't have any time to get ready for his flight today though since he was weathered in all day so after putting the kids to bed he was 'working' until we both crashed just after 9. So much for conversation. Sometimes I get lonely around here. I was thinking that maybe I should get a blow up doll that I could talk to during the day. I know it wouldn't talk back, but maybe that wouldn't matter. Just as long as the doll looked like an adult.
Today we are right in the middle of the weather system which caused the delays yesterday. it is sounding like the tribal stations we need to go into today are mostly socked in. Ah, as I am writing this - I hear Jason pulling into the driveway. Guess that means no flight today and an early wake up tomorrow. There goes our Saturday. Oh what fun.
I think I am having such a hard time adjusting to this whole 'flight program' schedule becuase it makes me feel SO out of control sometimes. Thankfully, I don't have to to the flight following so I'm not right in the middle of it all, but it still drives me crazy. Like yesterday, when the guys got weathered in at the old flight base -the whole afternoon, I'm wondering if I'm going to have a husband around for the night or if I'm going to be by myself. If he does get back, what time will he be home? Should I get something ready for dinner? Should we just have popcorn? How long can I wait to make a decision? Sometimes it feels like everyday we wake up to find out what our day is going to be like based on the clouds. It doesn't really bother Jason becuase he is juggling and rearranging schedules and feels like he is in control, but I always feel like I am on the recieving end. All the time.
And then I feel lonely being home all the time. I have a good strong cup of coffee so I can stay awake and talk to Jason, but becuase he was gone all day, he doesn't have time to talk and by the time he gets done with working, we are both too tired. So then I end up wondering why I even try!
Then I made plans with a baby sitter so that we could go out and talk some things through with Garry and Cynthia over lunch on Saturday, but now that may not happen. Since there is a weather system over the PI, it is not looking good. However, since the flight is scheduled, we can't just look at the sat and cancel it, we have to sit around waiting and waiting just in case it happens to clear up. So you never really know what is going to happen. I just don't know how to handle consistent inconsistency very well. It drives me crazy. It drives me CRAZY!
Wednesday was a weird day. Jason was home, which always makes things a bit touchy. Even though he was technically off, he was dealing with issues that had come up about flights at the end of the week. He holed himself up in the office for awhile and I tried to keep the kids upstairs. After that he worked on the generator for awhile. I got dinner together and by 7:00 I was in my zombie jet lag state. After almost killing the kids, Jason sent me to bed.
Yesterday was a LONG day. Jason had to get up at 4:30 and his alarm woke us both up. Since my body still isn't sure what time it is supposed to wake up, I couldn't get back to sleep. It is a long day when 10:00 in the morning rolls around and you feel like you should be half way through your day. I went over to Cynthia's for coffee and ended up staying for lunch. Came home and put the kids to be hoping that I could sneak in a nap, but no suck luck. I just couldn't get to sleep.
Jason and Garry got rained in at the old flight base and were stuck there until late afternoon. They got a back to the hangar about 5 and then had to load for the next day, so Jason didn't get home until about 6. Another 12+ hour day.
I figured it would be nice to actually have a conversation with Jason after we got the kids to bed, so about 4:30 I made myself a strong cup of iced espresso. It did the trick and kept me up until about 9:15 when we both went to bed. Jason didn't have any time to get ready for his flight today though since he was weathered in all day so after putting the kids to bed he was 'working' until we both crashed just after 9. So much for conversation. Sometimes I get lonely around here. I was thinking that maybe I should get a blow up doll that I could talk to during the day. I know it wouldn't talk back, but maybe that wouldn't matter. Just as long as the doll looked like an adult.
Today we are right in the middle of the weather system which caused the delays yesterday. it is sounding like the tribal stations we need to go into today are mostly socked in. Ah, as I am writing this - I hear Jason pulling into the driveway. Guess that means no flight today and an early wake up tomorrow. There goes our Saturday. Oh what fun.
I think I am having such a hard time adjusting to this whole 'flight program' schedule becuase it makes me feel SO out of control sometimes. Thankfully, I don't have to to the flight following so I'm not right in the middle of it all, but it still drives me crazy. Like yesterday, when the guys got weathered in at the old flight base -the whole afternoon, I'm wondering if I'm going to have a husband around for the night or if I'm going to be by myself. If he does get back, what time will he be home? Should I get something ready for dinner? Should we just have popcorn? How long can I wait to make a decision? Sometimes it feels like everyday we wake up to find out what our day is going to be like based on the clouds. It doesn't really bother Jason becuase he is juggling and rearranging schedules and feels like he is in control, but I always feel like I am on the recieving end. All the time.
And then I feel lonely being home all the time. I have a good strong cup of coffee so I can stay awake and talk to Jason, but becuase he was gone all day, he doesn't have time to talk and by the time he gets done with working, we are both too tired. So then I end up wondering why I even try!
Then I made plans with a baby sitter so that we could go out and talk some things through with Garry and Cynthia over lunch on Saturday, but now that may not happen. Since there is a weather system over the PI, it is not looking good. However, since the flight is scheduled, we can't just look at the sat and cancel it, we have to sit around waiting and waiting just in case it happens to clear up. So you never really know what is going to happen. I just don't know how to handle consistent inconsistency very well. It drives me crazy. It drives me CRAZY!
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Friday
Ahh... It seems like today will be one of those quiet days. The kids were up late so I had a few minutes to myself this morning before they were up. It makes such a difference - just a few minutes with no one around.
We were out late last night. I went to the doctor's office at 5 and ended up waiting for over and hour and a half. For some reason the secretary decided to keep putting me at the end of the waiting list. I was so mad by the time that I finally got in that Mirielle noticed that I had broken out in my mad/nervous neck rash. Mirielle kept asking me, "Whats wrong with you Mom?" It was a good reminder to take a deep breath and chill out. So after meeting with the doctor for 5 minutes it was already almost 7 by the time I got out of the office.
When I was sitting in the waiting room, I sat next to a man who struck up a conversation with me. He was telling me that he has a friend, apparently a Filipino woman, that is living in California. I guess she is in the process of getting a divorce and when her divorce is final he is planning on going and visiting her. He asked me about 20 different times how long it takes to finalize a divorce in the States. Like I know! You just never know what kind of questions you're going to get thrown at you becuase you are white.
After the doctor's office we had dinner with another missionary couple who has been here in the Philippines for almost 30 years. That in and of itself impresses the heck out of me! It was a nice time getting to know them. We had a great dinner with them but ended up getting home late for the kids.
Which has produced for me a quiet day. Maybe I'll keep them up late more often! Mirielle is playing with some dolls on the floor of the office. Kellan is taking a nap. And I get a chance to write. I usually like to have music on, but today is so peaceful (and not especially hot yet!) that I am just enjoying a moment of quiet. What a wonderful thing!
We were out late last night. I went to the doctor's office at 5 and ended up waiting for over and hour and a half. For some reason the secretary decided to keep putting me at the end of the waiting list. I was so mad by the time that I finally got in that Mirielle noticed that I had broken out in my mad/nervous neck rash. Mirielle kept asking me, "Whats wrong with you Mom?" It was a good reminder to take a deep breath and chill out. So after meeting with the doctor for 5 minutes it was already almost 7 by the time I got out of the office.
When I was sitting in the waiting room, I sat next to a man who struck up a conversation with me. He was telling me that he has a friend, apparently a Filipino woman, that is living in California. I guess she is in the process of getting a divorce and when her divorce is final he is planning on going and visiting her. He asked me about 20 different times how long it takes to finalize a divorce in the States. Like I know! You just never know what kind of questions you're going to get thrown at you becuase you are white.
After the doctor's office we had dinner with another missionary couple who has been here in the Philippines for almost 30 years. That in and of itself impresses the heck out of me! It was a nice time getting to know them. We had a great dinner with them but ended up getting home late for the kids.
Which has produced for me a quiet day. Maybe I'll keep them up late more often! Mirielle is playing with some dolls on the floor of the office. Kellan is taking a nap. And I get a chance to write. I usually like to have music on, but today is so peaceful (and not especially hot yet!) that I am just enjoying a moment of quiet. What a wonderful thing!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Settle In
It seems like lately I've been trying to settle into my life. In our women's Bible study last week, the study was on letting go of trying to control things and allow ourselves to rest in God's hands. The study was talking about Paul and the struggles that he faced in his life.
"Paul's example of how to live with thorns suggests that we rest in our weaknesses. If we settle into the position His grace has placed us, we'll see His strength made perfect there. And we'll experience the joy of our journey following Him."
Sometimes I feel like I am trying to tread water when all I need to do is lean back, take a deep breath and float - trust. I think I need to settle in instead of fighting this new life we're living. When I'm having a hard day I start to wish that Jason had a normal job - a 9 to 5 job and that my mom lived down the road and that I could go to the mom's group at our church and have a break from the kids once a week and that there was a Target where I could shop and no one would care that I was a white lady with blonde kids.
I remind myself of Peter when he stepped out of the boat onto the water. He did great staying on top of those waves until he looked around at where he was and started thinking about what he was doing, instead of focusing on WHO called him onto the water. I start looking around at my life and SINK! Sometimes I don't look up until I've gone under the water. Then when I look up and refocus, God reminds me that he has called us here and has given us the privledge of serving him here. He has called us here to live this crazy life and that he is faithful to provide all of my needs.
So God has been reminding me to settle in. The couches here are wicker and have a piece of foam on the bottom and a throw pillows. They serve their purpose but aren't the most comfortable. Not so great when you just want to kick up your heels on a Saturday night, flop on the couch and watch a good movie. Anyways, when I think of settling in, I think of a great big comfy couch - the kind that is the perfect couch for a Sunday nap. You know, when you roll around until you are in the perfectly comfortable place and then you settle in. That is what I think of when I think of settling in.... And I think, that is how God wants me to be in his grace. He wants me to settle in, into his capable hands and sufficient grace until I am perfectly comfortable. Settled into the position of grace he has placed me in, living through his strength and experiencing his joy.
And so my prayer becomes:
"We ask God to give you a complete understanding of what he wants to do in your lives, and we ask him to make you wise with spiritual wisdom. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and you will continually do good kind things for others. All the while you will learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with his glorious power so that you will have all the patience and endurance you need. May you be filled with joy." Colossians 1:9-11
OK- I'm done preaching to myself now!
"Paul's example of how to live with thorns suggests that we rest in our weaknesses. If we settle into the position His grace has placed us, we'll see His strength made perfect there. And we'll experience the joy of our journey following Him."
Sometimes I feel like I am trying to tread water when all I need to do is lean back, take a deep breath and float - trust. I think I need to settle in instead of fighting this new life we're living. When I'm having a hard day I start to wish that Jason had a normal job - a 9 to 5 job and that my mom lived down the road and that I could go to the mom's group at our church and have a break from the kids once a week and that there was a Target where I could shop and no one would care that I was a white lady with blonde kids.
I remind myself of Peter when he stepped out of the boat onto the water. He did great staying on top of those waves until he looked around at where he was and started thinking about what he was doing, instead of focusing on WHO called him onto the water. I start looking around at my life and SINK! Sometimes I don't look up until I've gone under the water. Then when I look up and refocus, God reminds me that he has called us here and has given us the privledge of serving him here. He has called us here to live this crazy life and that he is faithful to provide all of my needs.
So God has been reminding me to settle in. The couches here are wicker and have a piece of foam on the bottom and a throw pillows. They serve their purpose but aren't the most comfortable. Not so great when you just want to kick up your heels on a Saturday night, flop on the couch and watch a good movie. Anyways, when I think of settling in, I think of a great big comfy couch - the kind that is the perfect couch for a Sunday nap. You know, when you roll around until you are in the perfectly comfortable place and then you settle in. That is what I think of when I think of settling in.... And I think, that is how God wants me to be in his grace. He wants me to settle in, into his capable hands and sufficient grace until I am perfectly comfortable. Settled into the position of grace he has placed me in, living through his strength and experiencing his joy.
And so my prayer becomes:
"We ask God to give you a complete understanding of what he wants to do in your lives, and we ask him to make you wise with spiritual wisdom. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and you will continually do good kind things for others. All the while you will learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with his glorious power so that you will have all the patience and endurance you need. May you be filled with joy." Colossians 1:9-11
OK- I'm done preaching to myself now!
Friday, June 02, 2006
Early Mornings
I guess early mornings come with being a mom. Lately is seems like my early mornings come with being married to a pilot. If there is one thing that I can't live without , it is a shower in the morning. Some mornings I try and get a shower in before Jason leaves the house. Sometimes I just can't drag myself out of bed early enough in the morning.
Yesterday Jason got up at 4:30 and left the house at 5:10. I woke up at 5:30 thinking I could sneak in a shower with the kids being asleep. As soon as I opened the door to my bedroom Mirielle was up. I talked her into crawling into my bed and trying to get back to sleep so that I could get a shower and while I was in the shower she stared yelling that she was cold from the air conditioner. That meant that by the time I got out, both kids were up and yelling! All before 6. What a way to start the morning. We tried taking away Mirielle's naps so that she wouldn't wake up so early, but she still wakes up early and then is just groucy during the day. What's a mom supposed to do?
Yesterday Jason got up at 4:30 and left the house at 5:10. I woke up at 5:30 thinking I could sneak in a shower with the kids being asleep. As soon as I opened the door to my bedroom Mirielle was up. I talked her into crawling into my bed and trying to get back to sleep so that I could get a shower and while I was in the shower she stared yelling that she was cold from the air conditioner. That meant that by the time I got out, both kids were up and yelling! All before 6. What a way to start the morning. We tried taking away Mirielle's naps so that she wouldn't wake up so early, but she still wakes up early and then is just groucy during the day. What's a mom supposed to do?
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Just some thoughts
Thought that I would enjoy a place to ramble, maybe do a little ranting. Thought that it would be interesting to tell what life on the ground is really like around here. No airplanes and no exciting airstrips, just 2 crazy kids and a mom trying to adjust to this new life.
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